Death..

In my last post, I spoke about “mums” and how I was adopted and felt like I wasn’t loved.. My mum who adopted passed away 2 weeks ago.. 

You read right, my mum passed away. Now obviously we didn’t have the best relationship, read my last post and a monkey could tell you that! But my heart is still in a million pieces, what is a world without mum? It’s been a little over 2 weeks and I’m still shattered. I am still in disbelief, I am still heartbroken.. When is the feeling of heart break meant to go away? Does it ever go away? Am I allowed to do things and have a routine again? Or am I meant to crawl into a hole and wonder how on earth I am going to survive the rest of my life without my mum?? 

I cannot picture my world without my mum, no matter how nasty she was, she was my mum, she’ll always be my mum… 

When death happens, everyone grieves in different ways, for me personally losing mum while I knew it was going to happen as she was unwell, I’m still in shock & disbelief… I still want this to be a dream and her to ring me up saying “Jokes on you babe.” I’d much rather that.. In the last 10 months alone, we have lost 2 aunties, an uncle, a great grandmother and my mum.. How am I meant to be feeling? Does anyone know? I don’t know, I don’t know anymore… 😞

I’m sorry, especially if I did not make any sense..