Giving up??

I cannot this anymore.So do not tell me, to just deal with it. Because if you realise.. I am not dealing with it.. Master 3 is a HORRIBLE child..

He is nasty and he just pushes and pushes.. And one day I’m going to really lose it and there will be regrets all round from you, from everyone!

Hasn’t my post on Facebook made you realise I’m not coping??? 

There is only so much more I can handle. 

So many “I hate you”s I can hear, 

So many more times my things can be broken… 

There is only so much one person can handle, you want me to tell you all I can’t handle it.. Then friggen hear it..

These kids are pushing me to a point of no return and one day I’m going to do something that I’ll seriously regret.. 

Tell me to deal with it as much as you want. I CANNOT handle three kids, I CANNOT handle life. I CANNOT manage a household, raise 3 kids, make sure they’re eating healthy make sure you’re looked after. I CAN NOT do it.. 
Are you listening to me??! Are you seriously listening??? Or are you just going to continue shrugging it off??? Does that make you feel better? Does it make everything disappear for a while for you?? Because I’m batteling every fucking day., every fucking day is a fucking battle to survive. To get through the day. 

Are you still shrugging it off?? 

Are you going to shrug it off if you find me dead one?? Or the kids dead?? Are you still going to shrug it off or will it be that point that YOU realise you missed something will it be that point that our family realises they missed my call out for help?? 

When will someone help me.. When will some one save me from the monster in my head that you seem to think I can just make go away?? When will someone save me?

Please, help me.. 

My harsh reality

I look at all the other parents when I pick up Miss 5 from school.  They are all cool, calm and collected.. Then there is me.. Who is not., I am a complete mess.. Master 3 has the most disgusting behaviour ever, just this afternoon be punched into me, spat in my face, pulled my hair and repeatedly told me how much he hated me.. Pretty intense for a 3 year old hey…

I have ruined my children, when I was younger my mother was so horrible to me and I swore I would never ever be so horrible. How wrong am I.. I have no idea on how to deal with them, how to deal with the horrible behaviours. The swearing, the hitting, punching, telling me how much they hate me.. I broke my children, what a horrible feeling.. 

I have a mental illness, I am on medication for it . It’s rubbing off onto my children.. My poor, innocent children. 

I think they would be better off without me.