So, I’m adopted or as my mum likes to say I was her foster daughter.. Tonight I was watching on a news program about a young girl who was adopted because her Sri Laken mum couldn’t afford to have her and it was basically a life or death situation. Anyway, the lovely family who adopted her were loving and gave her the most wonderful life. Her Australian mum who passed away had one dying wish and that was for this young girl to find her birth mother.. She did.. It was beautiful, a beautiful reunion. I sat on the couch crying like a baby… My husband seems to think I cry over a lot of things… Maybe I do, I’m a woman, a very emotional woman. Is that a bad thing?
I cried because I was put up for adoption, both my mums I feel didn’t love me. I was abused from before I can remember (maybe I was a horrible child? I believe I was doomed from conception.). I was sexually abused by the age 7, I was physically abused before that by a babysitter, my mother used to tell me I was so horrible that it’s no wonder I was put up for adoption, she used to use the fact I was sexually abused against me.. I remember an orange blanket and a knife, if I was naughty the person under the orange blanket would emerge, carrying a knife reminding me to behave myself..
My mum used to also use the man hole as a form of abuse.. How? She would claim to have ladder waiting under the man hole and tell me when it was in the middle of the night she was taking me away for ever. Basically now, I have a fear of man holes.. Pretty embarrassing so the people who know me, don’t actually know.
My point is, I was really emotional because the young girl had TWO mothers who love her & I feel like I can’t even get one to love me.. I’m grateful for all the family that do love me. Just sometimes I need a mum.
Shewontbenamed x